This SHALVA article was originally published in 2018
The trauma children experience when witnessing their mothers being abused has been researched many times, but a study conducted by the Canadian Social Services and Humanities Research Council in 2018 focused on empowerment after abuse and the relationships between the mother and child. The study yielded four fascinating findings:
- Children described their relationships with their mothers as an important part of their lives, even though the shadow of domestic abuse strained the mother-child relationship.
- Communications between children and their mothers had positive features, such as comforting words and negative features, such as the abuser forbidding the children to speak to their mother.
- Children and mothers were protective of each other and adopted strategies to help each other.
- Mother-child dynamics significantly improved after they left the abusive home.
The research concluded that women’s experiences of abuse and children’s exposure are inextricably linked. It is not surprising that the children’s sense of well-being depends on the mother’s experiences and well-being.
Clinical Director Barbara Siegel has seen the same results during her 25+ years at SHALVA. Mothers must reassure children that regardless of the situation, they will always be there for them. “It is crucial that a strong relationship is developed and that mothers keep a line of communication going with their children,” says Ms. Siegel. “Among the coping skills we discuss at SHALVA, mothers learn to listen to their children, validate what they are seeing, and teach their children tools to communicate for themselves.”
