If you haven’t caught up, 2016 hotel surveillance video was released of Sean “P. Diddy” Combs horrifically beating his then girlfriend, Cassie Ventura (both musicians). In November, Cassie filed a lawsuit against Mr. Combs detailing this incident and many others. He denied everything but paid her out of court. This video itself is reminiscent of the 2014 surveillance video of professional football player, Ray Rice, punching his then-fiancé in an elevator, and yet here we are again. I’m haunted by these videos. If you haven’t watched yet, I encourage you not to. There’s no reason. But there is reason to think about what we can learn from this situation. Here are our takeaways:
- Domestic abuse is about power and control. Popularity, on a large or small scale, is part of that power. Sean “P. Diddy” Combs has been beloved for decades; he just won the MTV Global Icon Award in September! It could be a college athlete, a gregarious community member, or the president of a synagogue. When someone holds a position of power, the fear a survivor feels to speak out is very real.
- Leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor. In this instance, Cassie was attempting to leave after being physically abused in a hotel room. This video showed the consequences she faced for trying to leave.
- Someone probably knows something. In this instance, the hotel security knew about this, and nothing was done. Mr. Combs paid the hotel $50,000 to get rid of the video. It’s easy to say right now that you can’t believe security would have seen this and kept quiet, but it happens all the time. Helping a survivor is extremely difficult and can be dangerous for you and the survivor, but learning from organizations like SHALVA what you can do to help someone in a specific situation is critical. Reach out to a resource and find out what you can do.
- Nobody is immune. Cassie is a celebrity in her own right and she did not have power and control in this situation. Money, celebrity, personality, race, religion, none of it matters: abuse can happen to anybody.
- Believe survivors. Cassie told her story already; she filed a lawsuit claiming everything we see in this video and more. “Mr. Combs vehemently denied these offensive and outrageous allegations” yet settled out of court with her. Nobody seemed to care. Don’t let a video be the only thing we can believe.
- You have a role to play. If your friend tells a distasteful joke about this situation or other domestic abuse cases, call them out. If you’re as angry as I am, talk about it, raise awareness. If you’re worried about someone, check in on them. Know the signs of domestic abuse so you can spot them among your friends and loved ones.
SHALVA is here to help. Find more resources at www.shalvacares.org and call us for support for yourself or a loved one you are concerned about: 773-583-HOPE(4673).
