I’m a therapist here at SHALVA and a poet. I am passionate about creative expression and the potential of writing as a tool for healing. Here are a few exercises survivors can use on their healing journey.
Note that writing should be completed in a safe environment, where it does not expose survivors to further harm. If you are a survivor living with someone causing you harm, please be careful that your work remains private from unsafe people.
- Release through writing: In a moment when you are feeling overwhelmed, grab a writing implement and release all of your thoughts and feelings onto the page. Try to keep your hand moving (typing or hand-writing) constantly for five to ten minutes, or until you sense the intensity of overwhelm start to ease. Do not read what you are writing or try to make it sound good. Simply pour everything into your writing and don’t look back. Afterward, if you want to rip the pages up or delete them, that might feel good too.
- Tell your story: Describe a defining moment in your life. This might connect back to childhood, like the feeling after you scored your first goal in soccer, or to a more recent important event, like when you realized it was time to call SHALVA. Be sure to include many details, like the emotions you felt, what other people said to you, what your thoughts were, and what physical sensations you experienced. Try to describe the event or moment with as much depth as possible. If you choose to, share your what you have written with someone who understands you. Talk to them about it afterwards- what did they learn about you from reading the story? What did you learn about yourself from writing it?
- Gratitude practice: Make a list of everything for which you are grateful – this can range from the love for your child to chocolate ice cream. Nothing is too big or too small to be included. You might feel gratitude for your legs being able to carry you, or your car starting with no trouble this morning. When you have listed everything you can think of, go back over the list and remember all that you have, and how far you have come.
- Self Talk: Write a letter to your past and/or future self. Consider a moment in your past when you were struggling. What do you want to tell that past version of you? What perspective or wisdom can you share with that person in that hard moment? Try to find empathy for that past self, who may have felt lost or depressed or angry. Consider what it would have meant to that past self to have someone who really understood them. Consider how far you have come in your journey. Next, address a letter to your future self at a fixed point in time. What do you hope that you will have accomplished in one, or five, or ten years? How do you hope your future self will look back on the current choices you have made?
- Spheres of Control: Make a list of everything that is in your control, big or small. This might include the food you eat, the friends with whom you keep in touch, or the way you express love. Next, make a list of everything that is not in your control. This might include items like the outcome of a legal matter, the feelings of another person, chronic pain, or mental health symptoms. Think about the difference between your two lists: what is in your control that you might be able to work on? What is outside of your control that you struggle with? What is in your control that you can improve or change?
I hope that these ideas have provided a springboard for your writing practice. Everyone deserves to feel safe and loved in their intimate relationships, and that includes you. Healing from abuse is a long journey, but SHALVA is here for you at every step.
Author: Emma Furman, LSW. Emma is a licensed social worker and SHALVA therapist. Emma has an Master of Fine Arts in poetry from the University of Alabama, so holds a special expertise and interest in writing as a therapeutic tool.
