Social media may be full of hearts and flowers for Valentine’s Day, but February is also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). If you are concerned that your teen is in an unhealthy relationship, how can you talk to them to share your concerns in a way that starts a conversation?
How to start the conversation
If you approach the conversation with the same respect and consideration that you would give to a close friend, you are going to create a stronger connection and an open line of communication with your child for future conversations.
You can tell them that healthy relationships make us feel good, while unhealthy and abusive relationships don’t. To get more specific, here are some ways that a relationship could be healthy, unhealthy or even abusive.
Honesty and TrustHealthy: We are honest, and we trust each other. Unhealthy: We sometimes lie or keep secrets from each other. Abusive: One of us frequently lies, keeps secrets, and blames the other for all problems. | |
CommunicationHealthy: When we talk to each other, we’re honest, open, and non-threatening. Unhealthy: We often misunderstand each other or avoid talking to each other. Abusive: One of us intimidates the other with threats and cruel words. Conversations feel unsafe. | |
RespectHealthy: We have a mutual respect for and accept each other. Unhealthy: We often blame each other for problems. Abusive: One of us uses criticism and humiliation to make the other feel guilty and ashamed. | |
DisagreementHealthy: When we disagree, we work together to resolve our differences. Unhealthy: Our disagreements usually lead to bickering, yelling, and/or ignoring each other. Abusive: One of us has all the power and has no respect for the other’s perspective, opinion, or feelings. They always win. | |
Feelings and EmotionsHealthy: We support and seek to understand each other, especially when one of us is sad or angry. Unhealthy: We are sometimes indifferent to each other’s feelings. When one of us is upset, we ignore or push each other away. Abusive: One of us disregards or makes fun of the other’s feelings or refuses to show affection when it’s needed most. | |
Problem SolvingHealthy: We solve problems through fair negotiation. Unhealthy: We have a difficult time solving problems together. Abusive: When problems arise, one or both of us uses threats and coercion to “win.” |
What’s next?
You can learn more about the differences between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships at What Kind of Relationship Is It? Domestic abuse is always about power and control. Another way to look at the tactics of those who abuse is a diagram called a power and control wheel. There are many examples of the power and control wheel, but we have created one specifically for young people. This can be a way to continue the conversation with your teen.