No relationship is without problems, but when there seems to be more bad moments than good, then you could be in a toxic relationship.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship can be defined as a pattern of behavior when a person is not being respected or supported.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about the relationship. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions about your partner, you may want to take a deeper look at your relationship.
Do they always decide where you go or what you do?
No one has the right to control your actions or beliefs. Red flags would be withholding money, limiting your time with friends, or forced intimacy.
Do they put you down?
If you hear criticism and put downs on a regular basis, that’s a problem. These kinds of comments damage your self-esteem, and if you hear this kind of talk enough, you may start to believe it.
Are they possessive or jealous?
Being together all the time is normal at the beginning of a relationship when you are getting to know each other. This becomes concerning if they don’t allow you to spend time with friends and family.
Did they say “I love you” too soon?
If you feel uncomfortable because the relationship feels like too much, too fast, trust your instincts. This is an example of love bombing.
Do they check on your whereabouts, and get upset when you’re not available?
If you find that you anxiously need to check your phone and respond when they text or call you, this is a red flag.
Do you have an “uh-oh” feeling, but keep dating them because everyone says this is such a great match?
You are the only person who understands your full relationship dynamic and if you stick around in hopes that your person will quit whatever behavior is making things tough, they won’t. Just because a person has some good qualities, it is not an excuse for their bad behavior, and it isn’t a reason to stay in a relationship.
Do they accept you the way you are, or do they want to change you?
If they are obsessed about how you look, and are telling you what to wear, or that you would look better if you lost a few pounds, it could be a reason to be concerned. If they don’t like you the way you are or say they will love you more if you change in some way, they will always find a new thing that needs to be fixed in you.
Can you fix a toxic relationship?
It is possible to mend a toxic relationship in certain instances — and when each partner is committed to trying. The relationship must become healthy and mutually beneficial for any potential to continue. If possible, meeting with a counselor is a great step to take.
However, if your partner refuses to work on the relationship, or is emotionally, physically, financially, or sexually abusive, it may be time to talk to SHALVA or another domestic abuse specialist.