The trauma from an abusive relationship impacts more than one person; it ripples out to family, friends, and the entire community. Even when we don’t know what is happening behind closed doors, we may sense that something is wrong. We may see that it is not a good relationship, but it may be hard to make the leap and label the relationship as abusive.
That is what happened to our luncheon speaker Susan Malman Altman. She said, “We didn’t look at it as a whole… our minds didn’t go to abuse. Yes, they have a terrible relationship…let’s get her through this, and let’s hope that one day he will be the man she needs and the father that their children needed.”
If we are helping a friend or family member deal with each incident, we may not have the perspective to look at the big picture to understand that this pattern of power and control IS domestic abuse. But our body may be telling us that something is wrong. Some of the physical symptoms of stress from domesticshelters.org can be signs you are witnessing an abusive relationship without even knowing it. These can include:
- A constant feeling of exhaustion
- Physical tension or pain
- Hypersensitivity (e.g. crying at the drop of a hat)
- Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
- Being overwhelmed
- Having a sense that you can never do enough
What Can We Do?
We can take care of ourselves so we can support our friends and family. Pay attention when you feel overwhelmed and set healthy boundaries for yourself. Talk to a friend, take a walk or meditate so you are healthy and can be there for others when they need you. Show You CARE is a great tool to help find the right words and actions to be supportive. You can also call the SHALVA office if you would like more guidance or need more support.
You can learn more about the ripple effect of abuse and support survivors by attending our annual luncheon on June 22, 2023. Register today at bit.ly/shalvaluncheon2023.
