Here at SHALVA, we know that abusive dynamics are not always easy to see. That is why it is important to be proactive when you notice red flags early on in a relationship. Here are five flags for which to be on the lookout.
1. Jealousy. Despite depictions in media of jealousy as a part of romantic relationships, it does not have to be. If your partner is always accusing you of cheating or wants to monitor your private communications (texts, emails, etc.), the relationship is not healthy. It is not okay to be surveilled or constantly questioned by your partner.
2. Low Self-Esteem. If you are in a new relationship and feeling more down on yourself than usual, this might be a red flag. Sarcasm and snide comments can chip away at your self-image which can cause long-term damage. Don’t let your partner get away with mundane meanness – talk about how it makes you feel, and if it doesn’t feel safe to have that conversation, that’s a big red flag.
3. Inability to communicate or resolve conflict. Conflict is necessary and expected in healthy relationships. If you notice that your partner shuts down or lashes out when in conflict, that is a red flag. You are entitled to peaceful disagreement and fair fighting with your partner- if they are unable to do that, don’t ignore this toxic dynamic.
4. Gaslighting. Ever feel like you are losing your mind with your partner? Gaslighting is a toxic behavior that makes one party distrust their own judgement and thoughts. If your partner is constantly questioning your reality and judgement, you may need to move on from the relationship. Feeling guilty when you have done nothing wrong is not healthy.
5. Lack of trust. Constant suspicion and questioning can be emotionally exhausting. Don’t dismiss it as normal insecurity if your partner repeatedly claims that you are lying about anything and everything. Trust is essential to healthy romantic connections and you deserve to be in a trusting and safe relationship.
If you recognize yourself in any of these examples, consider getting support from people who understand. We are here to help, so please call SHALVA if you are not sure whether your relationship is healthy. For additional information, please visit our healthy-unhealthy-abusive informational page.
Author: Emma Furman, LSW. Emma is a social worker and SHALVA therapist. Emma has an Master of Fine Arts in poetry from the University of Alabama, and holds a special expertise and interest in writing as a therapeutic tool.