Profile of an Abuser

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  • Jekyll and Hyde personality
  • Flies into a rage without provocation; anger is out of proportion to the situation
  • Projects own faults onto spouse
  • Grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement
  • Distorts Torah values, uses accessibility to Rabbis to wield control
  • Denies responsibility for behavior; blaming other people, alcohol or drugs
    for his actions
  • Needs validation and admiration from others in order to mask low self-esteem and boost ego
  • Minimizes or denies severity of abuse; seems not to remember abusive
    incident or distorts truth
  • Needs to control spouse in order to feel in control
  • Is overwhelmingly or unreasonably jealous and possessive
  • May have been abused as a child, or may have witnessed his father or mother as being abused
  • Has little or no contact with parents
  • May be more violent when spouse is pregnant or soon after giving birth
  • Has made threats regarding safety of children, family members, friends and/or self
  • Is highly critical of spouse
  • Does not believe his behavior should have negative consequences and/or may have problems with the law
  • Appears charming, rational and likeable in public
  • Can be loving, kind, giving and a respected member of the Jewish community as well as abusive